Don't Look Back
by I love dance
Summary: Han and Luke, postROTJ oneshot, angst, comfort, friendship, AU, NOT slash. Please R&R!


**Title:** Don't Look Back  
**Characters:** Han, Luke, bit of Ben Kenobi  
**Timeframe:** sometime after ROTJ  
**Summary:** Han and Luke are forced to say goodbye, oneshot, Han's POV, AU  
**Genre:** Angst  
Disclaimer: I'm just stopping by for a visit to a galaxy far far away and borrowing some of George Lucas's characters. I'll try not to butcher them before returning them, but no guarantees. :P

Hope you enjoy! Comments are welcome and very much appreciated!! :)

* * *

I think this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

No, I don't think. I know.

I've faced a lot of hardship in my life, but I can't think of anything that even comes close to this.

It hurts. Like hell. Saying goodbye to those I love the most. Wouldn't it be easier to just to tear my heart out and rip me to shreds?

I've already said goodbye to Leia -hours ago. It's taken me that long just to pull myself together and calm down from the fit that had me hurling tools inside the_ Falcon._

Now I have to go through it all over again.

Luke's standing here now and I force myself to look at him. He's been quietly and patiently waiting for me to speak. Familiar and still-too-innocent blue eyes blink sadly up at me. _Who's gonna look out for you, Kid? _I think. _You're not grown up just yet._

I know full well that this could be the last time we ever see each other. He knows it too. I search for something to say, but there's nothing. It hurts. Nothing can make this better.

And suddenly the kid's arms are wrapped around me and he's clinging tight. I don't know whether I want to hug him back. It's like accepting the fact that this could be it. But then I hear the strange way he's breathing, like he's trying not to cry, and I put my arms around him and hold him tight.

He pulls away after a moment and his eyes are still dry. But his gaze travels to the duracrete when I look at him.

"You be good, kid." I manage to say, but my voice sounds a little unsteady. "Take care of your sister." I'm frustrated because that's not even close to all I want to tell him.

He nods but doesn't dare to look up. He's fidgeting with his hands and biting his lower lip; there's a look of frustrated helplessness growing on his face. It's the same feeling I'm having right now, but he's having a much harder time in not letting it show.

Finally it's too much for him, and he turns away quickly, before he thinks that I can see him.

The kid turned a fraction of a second too late. I don't miss the way his face crumples, or the tears welling up in his eyes.

A few moments of silence, then Luke says "I can't!" He tries to shout, but his voice turns into a sob halfway through as the hardened Jedi mask falls.

_I can't either. Can't say goodbye. Can't deal with this!_

"I just can't," he repeats, much quieter and defeated. I can see his shoulders start to tremble. Suddenly I realize I'm being selfish. Luke's the younger one here. He's the kid. I've got about ten years on him, and that's ten years of learning to deal with stuff like this.

Suddenly feeling the strong urge to protect and comfort him, I walk the few steps over to my little brother. "Yes, you can." I say softly, deliberately.

He turns back around and looks up at me. Tears swell and spill, tracing paths down his cheeks and he shakes his head. "I can't."

It's not very often I hear those words from Luke. "You can." I smile softly, the best I can to reassure him, and gently tap his chin. That was the way I always used to cheer him up. I'd tell him to keep his chin up, and keep coaxing him, pushing it and telling him "higher" till he was practically looking at the ceiling. It made both of us laugh.

Not this time. He brings his head back down and buries it in his hand.

"C'mere, kid."

And suddenly I'm cradling him against me, holding him tight as he breaks down, crying harder than I've ever heard him cry. I've got one hand on the back of his head as he presses his face into my shirt and the other hand's around him rubbing his back. I have to fight to hold back my own tears because this could be the last time I ever get to hug my little brother.

His little shoulders shake with sobs. Flinging rough pretense aside I gently kiss the top of his head in brotherly- almost parental- affection. I hold him for the longest time, rubbing his back and telling him it's okay. He just keeps on crying.

"It's time, Han," Kenobi's ethereal voice says gently and he's suddenly he's behind Luke. There's a sad but knowing look on his face. I glance away. _ Go away. It can't be time. I'm not ready. There's so much I need to say. Look at the kid! I can't leave him like this.  
_  
"No," Luke croaks, tensing in my arms. I hug him a little tighter to reassure him.

"You must hurry, Han," Kenobi says softly, but urgently. "I cannot delay things any more than I already have."

I sigh shakily, closing my eyes for a second and taking a deep breath. The old man did what he could. I got the chance to say goodbye to my friends. It's not long enough though. Forever might do. Maybe.

I hug the kid a moment longer as tightly as I dare. "I love you, Han," he croaks.

Moisture leaks out from the corner of my eye, trailing down my cheek. Before today, I can't remember the last time I cried. "Love you too, kid," I manage. And then I have to pull away.

"This is the part where we have to be brave," I say, brushing at the tears that are still spilling down my little brother's face.

He shakes his head "no" and chokes on a sob.

"I don't like it either, kid." I lay my hand on top of his head and swallow. "Will you do something for me?"

"Anything," he manages.

I swallow again, hard, and look away, praying for strength. It's a while before I can look at him again, let alone talk.

"Turn around and walk away."

The tear-stricken face becomes terrified.

"Walk away and don't look back."

"Han-"

"I mean it, Luke."

"Han," Kenobi says softly and I know what he means. Luke knows it too and he looks up at me, frightened.

"Don't be scared, kid." I say softly and put my hands on either side of his face, thumb away the tears once more. He tries to grab onto me again, but I gently push his arms down. "Just do what I told you." I take his hands in between my own and squeeze them.

"Be brave, kid." I say with effort, solemnly, and look him in the eyes, tears threatening my own vision. "And don't look back."

I watch it take all of his strength to obey. I let go of his hands and he looks up at me.

"Don't look back," I repeat and pray to the Force he'll be okay. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a shaky breath. Then, clamping his trembling lips in a firm line of determination, the kid turns away.

I watch him through vision that's rapidly blurring with tears. I see him struggle just to put one foot in front of the other, and I know he wants so bad to turn back around. I hear his quiet, stifled sobs as he tries his best to be brave.  
_  
Be strong, little brother. I love you. I'll miss you._

He keeps on walking and doesn't look back.

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Hope you enjoyed!! Comments are welcome and greatly appreciated!! :)


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